It’s 4am and I was in bed trying to sleep literally tossing and turning and sick to my stomach and holding back tears after looking at my credit card bill.

So I finally just got up, got the scissors, and cut into pieces.

My bill this month was $1000.

John and I have a budget. We didn’t intend to use my credit card for anything but food and gas.

And I did that, except that we also ate out a ton and then John bought a bike and I bought some new clothes and Time Warner Cable erroneously charged me, among other things.

I’ve tried and failed at managing my money whilst using a credit card, so I’m not going to let myself be responsible for one until I get better at sticking to a budget.

And it doesn’t help that we just moved into a new place and put down a month’s rent plus a security deposit which completely drained our coffers. I was able to pay off $400 tonight so now I just have to figure out how I’m going to pay off the rest of the bill and not make myself crazy with stress while I try to figure that out.

I’m honestly hoping that by getting this all out of my brain and into this post right now, I’ll finally be able to get some sleep tonight.

Wish me luck.