I’m a guy, and I need feminism. Not “men’s rights.” Feminism. Here is why.
Everything that MRAs talk about that men can’t do or are socially punished for arise directly and immediately from misogyny. Not “misandry.” Misogyny.
Whether I am expressing my emotions, playing with children, baking, having sex wherein I am penetrated in any way, wearing the wrong color, talking the wrong way, moving the wrong way, being sexually harassed/assaulted, or paying too little attention to looking like I’m not paying attention to how I look, when society punishes me or derides me or marginalizes me for these things, it is happening because they are things women, not men, are expected to do, and our society at large fucking hates women.
Has that sunk in yet?
Men, can you even think of a single goddamn way you have ever been mocked that wasn’t related to something that a misogynist society sees as feminizing? Even when large men are mocked for their bodies, they are referred to as having “man-boobs,” for fucks sake.
How do you expect to improve those things with “men’s rights?” What right are you fighting for? I can tell you what I think you’re fighting for. I think you’re fighting for the right to contain and control misogyny, and direct it back at women, where you think it belongs. You want to maintain your privilege but erase its consequences, and that’s why your movement is farcical; it’s a big fucking feedback loop. How do you expect men to be free from the peripheral effects of misogyny when you refuse to even fucking believe it’s real?
I deleted my reddit account and I will never be a part of that site again until they get control of the rampant misogyny, rape culture, and general sexism.
Here is why I refuse to take rape jokes sitting down…
Because 6% of college-aged men, slightly over 1 in 20, will admit to raping someone in anonymous surveys, as long as the word “rape” isn’t used in the description of the act—and that’s the conservative estimate. Other sources double that number (pdf).
A lot of people accuse feminists of thinking that all men are rapists. That’s not true. But do you know who think all men are rapists?
They really do. In psychological study, the profiling, the studies, it comes out again and again.
Virtually all rapists genuinely believe that all men rape, and other men just keep it hushed up better. And more, these people who really are rapists are constantly reaffirmed in their belief about the rest of mankind being rapists like them by things like rape jokes, that dismiss and normalize the idea of rape.
If one in twenty guys (or more) is a real and true rapist, and you have any amount of social activity with other guys like yourself, then it is almost a statistical certainty that one time hanging out with friends and their friends, playing Halo with a bunch of guys online, in a WoW guild, in a pick-up game of basketball, at a bar, or elsewhere, you were talking to a rapist. Not your fault. You can’t tell a rapist apart any better than anyone else can. It’s not like they announce themselves.
But, here’s the thing. It’s very likely that in some of these interactions with these guys, at some point or another, someone told a rape joke. You, decent guy that you are, understood that they didn’t mean it, and it was just a joke. And so you laughed.
Or maybe you didn’t laugh. Maybe it just wasn’t a very funny joke. So maybe you just didn’t say anything at all.
And, decent guy who would never condone rape, who would step in and stop rape if he saw it, who understands that rape is awful and wrong and bad, when you laughed? When you were silent?
That rapist who was in the group with you, that rapist thought that you were on his side. That rapist knew that you were a rapist like him. And he felt validated, and he felt he was among his comrades.
You. The rapist’s comrade.
And if that doesn’t make you feel sick to your stomach, if that doesn’t make you want to throw up, if that doesn’t disturb you or bother you or make you feel like maybe you should at least consider not participating in that kind of humor anymore, not abiding it in your presence, not greeting it with silence…
Well, maybe you aren’t as opposed to rapists as you claim."
Would society still be okay with it of Dr. Pepper Ten were marketed like this? Would it still be “just a joke”?
Does anyone else ever get sick of explaining to people how sexism and misogyny still exist in our culture and why it is bad?
I feel like I reached a crazy-making breaking point tonight after a dude on Facebook told me that the Republican party is not in fact misogynistic or sexist in any way. He also attempted to insult me by insinuating that I had a women’s studies degree (which apparently in his world completely discredits you and your opinions.)
He keeps egging me on trying to get me to “debate” him, telling me how he’s going to “enlighten me” (all the while spelling every other word incorrectly including my NAME which is at the beginning of every comment I type!).
Usually I would spend the time lengthily destroying this fellow with overwhelming evidence, logic, and comprehension.
But what even is the point anymore?
He’ll just respond like they all do - by remarking on how I’m not in the kitchen, or how I’m a “feminazi”, or telling me to “calm down”.
I’m losing my will to fight.
Sometimes it’s very hard to be a part of this world.
"With men, there are some scenarios where it stops mattering how he looks. With women, it always matters. In a comedy movie, the male wacky sidekick can be the chubby Zach Galifianakis or the nearly deformed Steve Buscemi. But if the female wacky sidekick isn’t attractive, like the overweight Melissa McCarthy in Bridesmaids, then every scene needs to be about how ugly and fat and mannish she is. That has to be the core of her character."
Ok, so these two middle aged men who play racquetball just came sauntering up to the desk, which is near the bathrooms.
One of them (we’ll call him Douchley) was making fun of the other (we’ll call him Nicely) because Nicely was going to use the women’s bathroom, because there are only two bathrooms and one was occupied.
There is literally nothing different about these bathrooms on the inside. The only thing that distinguishes them from each other is the signs denoting gender on the outside. They are single-room unisex bathrooms for all intents and purposes.
So anyway Douchley was first calling this guy a fag and then he turns to me and says, “Hey, make fun of him when he comes out of the ladies room.”
And I said, “Why? Because he’s more secure in his sexuality and masculinity than you?” And then Douchley kind of chuckled and looked red in the face.
And then Nicely came out of the bathroom and was looking in his bag for his keys and Douchley says, “What’s the matter? Can’t find you TAMPON? You’re such a girl.”
And I looked at him with the steeliest glare I could muster and said, “Do you have a problem with women?”
And the dude just laughed and walked out and Nicely looked kind of ashamed and told me to have a good night and left behind Douchley.
I’m just so stunned that full grown adult men still act like this sometimes. Like honestly, would he go up to a person of color and make a crass race joke? Probably not. But he definitely thinks it’s okay to make demeaning, misogynistic jokes about women in front of me and just in general.